I saw it all, the day after I left.
I saw my family, my friends, bereft.
I saw their pain, confusion, their shock.
I realised my demons had run amok.

Of course I mattered, of course I was loved,
of course I was not better off above.
Because being above, means seeing it all.
And now I know that my life wasn’t small.

My life was precious, I gave it away,
I listened to darkness, it showed me the way.
But now, from here, I see it anew.
If only I’d stayed and pushed on through.

But here I am, looking down from afar,
watching the pain, a lifelong scar.
I’ll never be gone from the hearts that I touched,
If only I’d seen, I was always enough.

From ‘I Wish I Knew’ by Donna Ashworth